“I wish we had made this decision sooner,” said Ed Kaplan, resident at Frank Residences, an assisted living and memory care community nestled on the 9 acre San Francisco Campus for Jewish Living. For families and caregivers managing care for a loved one with memory loss, deciding to seek help is often coupled with fear or guilt. But it doesn’t have to be.
“Securing the best care and living environment for a loved one shouldn’t add to your stress,” said Rob Sarison, the Executive Director of Frank Residences. “Seeking help is often the right answer for you and for them.”
Memory care and assisted living at Frank Residences has been carefully designed to exceed the expectations of its residents and their loved ones. From studios with private baths to amenities, dining, and programs designed to promote participation and social engagement, Frank Residences has set a new standard of care.
The experience that led Ed Kaplan and his wife Judy to Frank Residences began several years ago. Ed started noticing Judy acting differently and he was worried. After almost 60 years of marriage, they had become accustomed to each other’s unique peculiarities, but as a trained scientist, Ed was keenly aware that something was just not right.
“It started with little things,” he said. “A call from our son in Southern California after we returned home from a visit. Some things were missing — a stuffed animal from one of our grandkids. Some candy. It was just odd behavior. But sure enough, I found them at our home. She must have taken them.”
When Ed started finding things he did not pay for in the grocery bags, he decided it was time to visit their doctor. After the exam, their physician recommended that Ed and his wife seek an evaluation from a specialist. The evaluation led to the diagnosis of dementia with the possibility of Alzheimer’s.
“I just always felt that no one could care for her the way I did. The fact is that was the wrong way to look at it.”
-Ed Kaplan, Resident
“It was earth-shattering news,” said Ed. “We both had some experience with this as my mother-in-law was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, but I really had no experience caring for someone with this diagnosis and had no idea where to turn.”
Ed’s search led him to the local Alzheimer’s Association Chapter.
“I had to learn to be a caregiver. I had to learn to do the shopping,” said Ed. “And it was a steep learning curve for me, especially at my age.”
Many caregivers have a similar experience when their loved one or family member is first diagnosed. But the impact on those who provide the care is often overlooked, and at what point the caregiver should start looking for additional help becomes a difficult decision for them to make.
When Ed and Judy first came to Frank Residences, they moved into a spacious two-bedroom unit that would provide ample space for them both and allow Ed to continue to care for her.
“As a caregiver, we need to remember that we are not doing anyone any favors if we are not also caring for ourselves.”
-Ed Kaplan, Resident
“I knew that the day would come when I would need more help — that she would deserve more attention than even I could give,” said Ed. “One of the amazing things about Frank Residences is that if you or your loved one need memory care, it’s right here in the building. And I won’t lie to you and tell you that it was an easy decision to move Judy to memory care, but it was the right decision, and I am so glad I am right here with her every day.”
The desire to be the one to care for a loved one and the guilt at the thought of seeking help is common. But when taking into consideration the wellbeing of the caregiver and their loved one, a memory care community is often the best choice.
Ed continued, “For me, I knew when I needed help. I had a lot of support — my family, the staff here at Frank Residences. We all worked together to make this decision. I’m not saying it was easy, but it was right, and Judy is happy. And that’s what it all comes down to.”
